lemonz

Well I’d been having some symptoms…. and had a doctors appointment today.  The hard reality slap that I now have diabetes.  I sat there not so shocked as I figured that was the issue.  I humbly took my prescriptions and paid my bill.  I have been beating my self up now for about 4 hours.  Not literally of course but mentally.  Why oh why do we let ourselves get so bad that it takes a strong hard slap in the face to say ‘wake up cookie this isn’t a dream this time’?  I am so ashamed of myself, that I have let myself fall into this pit of dumbness.  I know better then this, I’ve been better then this.  So tonight as I eat my healthy dinner I now get to partake 3 pills w/ my food.  I hate taking meds of any sort but the clincher here is I don’t have a choice any more.  I used up all my choices when I didn’t take care of myself.  Now I have to pay the price and I’m really nervous this time.  When I wake up from feeling awful about myself and the choice I made I’m going all the way…..I’m already walking 5 days a week and have de-junked my kitchen BUT I have to do more, I have got to do it right this time and not journey back to being fat.  A thinner me …here I come!!!!!!!!!

So any of you out there with diabetes already?  How are you dealing with it?  I am on the ‘zone’ so I’m really great at reading labels.  Seems to me most “sugar-free” food still has a ton of carbs.  I have bought a great splenda cookbook so I’m ready to cook.  Just thought if any of you had any little secrets you can tell me

Ok, so what brings me to this point is yesterday while browsing a magazine I see a picture of a lovely juicy cheeseburger and instantly my mind says OMG I want a cheeseburger now!  But in my last week my ideas have changed a bit, where before I’d do anything to sneak in a burger from somewhere.  This time it was different (once again, talking to myself) I think ‘no I don’t need a cheeseburger I just want one’.  Isn’t it funny how just seeing a picture of something sends millions of lil guys to your brain telling you you are gonna die for sure if you don’t eat something you just saw a PICTURE of?  This my friends is the point of loving food.  How on earth can you change your mind and say ” I do NOT love food anymore”.  I don’t believe its just that easy.  I’m challenging myself to look at food as something that helps my body to run properly NOT because I love the taste or because some picture looks so good I can almost smell the food coming off the page in a magazine (dear God please don’t let anyone invent that).

Just a couple goals:  use food as a tool for the good of my body and to make this ‘diet’ not a ‘diet’ but a lifestyle change.

I heard someone say once in WW I think, ‘if you are really craving something (she used mini-snickers as an example) eat it”.  So what happens if you can’t eat just one?  What if you eat the whole bag?  Then most tend to beat themselves up for eating it all and it totally spirals into an eating frenzy.   I know for myself when I fall I fall hard and then I don’t feel like starting over.  So any advice for these moments we are going to have where temptations are all around us calling our name like some echo in the Grand Canyon?  What do you do when your cravings are so bad that you rummage through your kitchen like a mad woman (or man).  I think the struggle of most diet programs is ‘what do I do when I want something I shouldn’t have’.  I feel that ‘temptation’ is even more evident when you are trying to become healthy.  I swear the potato chip commercials play every minute (I love Lay’s chips) on the TV.  Changing your mind about things is the true ’struggle’ in my opinion.

**** OH OH OH I got it….. banish advertising     ok well just an idea!

Thanks for reading my ramblings

has anyone else done this?  I’m sure you have :)  I keep sending all sorts of things with my husband to work so he can share them with his office mates…….I made up all my brownie mixes and shipped them off with him too.  His office should love me!

So tell me…anything you are all doing in the kitchen to make it a safe zone?  Besides the famous stash of carrots and celery sticks.
I’m basically working with the “zone” diet.  I did that a few years ago and lost 90lbs.  I felt great.  Since my ‘relapse’ I’m sure I’m on the verge of diabetes so I’m busting my buns now to not go that direction.   What programs if any are you all doing?  I am searching this site but since I’m a noob I’m not sure where to find that information.  I’ve done Weight Watchers but I felt having so much freedom to choose what I wanted to eat as long as I counted it was like giving me a pass to Chuck-O-rama.  All in All I believe my biggest challenge is not so much emotional eating as it is loving food.  How can you stop loving food? :)  It’s always played a huge part of everything in my life and now comes the time I need to reverse this idea in my head.  yikes!

where has it gone?  I’m hoping to find some others who have lost their way down the weight loss path.  It’s such an up hill battle some days.  My husband and I are encouraging each other, I’ve started walking each day but in the back of my head I hope I don’t fail again.  Anyone else feel that way?  I know someone must need motivation out there too!